Gary Chapman’s Five Languages of Love

1. Words of Affirmation. You communicate appreciation, encouragement, kindness, humility, and empathy–seeing the world from your partner’s point of view.
2.  Quality Time. You spend time together, giving your full attention to your spouse or partner, have meaningful conversations in which you share your deepest feelings and experiences, or enjoy activities in which you both share an interest.
3.  Receiving Gifts. You give and accept money or gifts that represent an expression of love, or you gift yourself to your mate by being emotionally present during a time of need.
4. Acts of Service. You perform an action that you know would please your partner such as cooking a favorite meal, washing the car, or grocery shopping.
5. Physical Touch. You are physically intimate in the form of giving hugs, kissing, holding hands, giving back rubs, or sexual intercourse.

What is Your Love Language?  Take the Quiz

• What does your intimate partner do or fail to do that frustrates you the most or hurts you deeply? (The opposite of what hurts you or frustrates you could indicate your love language).
• What do you need emotionally from your spouse or partner that you don’t get enough of? (Your unmet emotional needs are likely indicators of what would make you feel loved).
• How do you usually show love to your mate? (Because we tend to love our intimate partners in ways we would like to be loved, your way of expressing love is often a clue to what would also make you feel loved).
• What would your idea of an ideal spouse or partner be like?

New studies show that sitting more than 4 to 6 hours per day puts you at an 80 percent higher risk of dying. Sitting too long reduces blood flow, builds stress, causes weight gain and can lead to Type 2 diabetes and heart disease. Moving around or standing while working greatly reduces this risk. A second study on overtime shows that workers who toil more than 11 hours per day are 67 percent more likely to have a heart attack, metabolic disorders, headaches, and muscle pain.

In combination, workplace threats such as prolonged sitting, loud noises, overtime, unable to turn off your electronic devices at home, bad posture—all can lead to a compromised immune system, heart disease, and other disorders. You may not even realize your stress response is on high alert as you work. That means you are marinated in your own stress juices (cortisol and adrenaline).

The solution? Activate your “rest and digest response” which puts the brakes on your stress response, calms you down, and activates hormones that sustain positive health. How do you do that? Quick and simple stress cushions such as standing, stretching, moving around, walking up and down a flight of stairs (instead of taking the elevator) increases blood flow and oxygen throughout your body, lowering blood pressure and boosting overall mental alertness. Changing your surroundings for just 20 minutes gives your fatigued mind a break and boosts your mood. Getting out in nature (a walk around the block or in a park) or viewing nature from a window calms your fatigued brain. Meditating or contemplating at your desk for just 5 minutes is restorative and refreshes your mind and body.

What about you? Share some of your strategies for outsmarting stress and staying healthy at work.

Don’t let the commercialization of the holidays trump the true meaning and joy it brings you. Celebrate the season the way that’s meaningful by having the kind of holiday YOU want, not what merchandisers want you to have. Take the emphasis off grand gestures and indulge yourself in simple acts of pleasure. You don’t have to get caught up in the “There’s only X shopping days ‘til Christmas” syndrome. Retain the real meaning and celebrate the season YOUR way.

One of the biggest myths about the holidays is that we have to do things the way we’ve always done them—to excess. This requirement sometimes throws people into a frenzied whirlwind that includes shopping, planning parties and baking—all on top of an already hectic everyday schedule. Break or downsize old habits. Tradition is part of the holiday season. But just because you’ve always done things a certain way doesn’t mean you can’t power down the excess and still practice traditions.

If you’ve been shopping all day in the crush of crowds, the last thing you want at the end of the day is more noise and chaos. Be an angel to yourself. When loved ones have gone to bed, indulge in a moment alone in front of the holiday decorations. Reflect on what the season means to you, create a cozy, private spot where you can relax undisturbed and contemplate on the season. Meditate on soothing holiday music. Savor pleasant memories from holidays past with scented candles, a brewed pot of cinnamon-and-cloves potpourri, or the smell of fresh baked cookies. Or browse through greeting cards and photos of holidays past.

Know where to draw the line. If you’re rushing to buy more gifts, cook more food, get to yet another party, make a conscious effort to slow down your pace. Gift yourself with built-in “seasonal time cushions” to unwind and relax and give yourself extra time to get to your destination. You really can enjoy the holiday activities without “holidazing” yourself. When you’re already emotionally maxed out, don’t feel like you have to go to every party or buy every person a gift. Your mail carrier will forgive you.

Put yourself at the top of your holiday list and come up for air. Take time out from the festivities if you need to. Immerse yourself in a good book, hot bath, or craft. Keep your exercise regimen going throughout the season and get plenty of sleep. Short walks or meditating for a few minutes can help you unwind and clear your head. By gifting yourself a few extra moments to take care of yourself, you’ll have a lot more to give and you and your loved ones can enjoy the fun and avoid the holidaze.

What about you? Share some of your tips for enjoying the season without becoming “holidazed.”

• 31 Clayton Street
  Asheville, NC 28801

For Clinical Appointments

• 828-252-7202

Publicity and Literary Representation

• Sally Hill McMillan
  Sally Hill McMillan & Associates, Inc. Literary Agency
  phone: 704-334-0897
  fax: 704-334-1897
  McMAgency@aol.com

Publicity agent for Chained to the Desk

• Betsy Steve
  New York University Press
  Betsy.steve@nyu.edu

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The Smart Guide to Managing Stress

Discover the smart way to recognize your stressors and stress-proof your life. Do little things set you off more than usual? Have you turned yourself into a pretzel at work? Do you have more on your plate than you can accomplish as the hours in the day seem to shrink? Maybe you’re stressed, but you’re also smart. And that’s why leading authority, Bryan Robinson, wrote The Smart Guide to Managing Stress, for smart people like you.

This action-packed book is brimming with chunks of practical tips and exercises on the nature of stress, what you can do to reduce most of it, manage the rest, and live a healthy, productive, stress-free life. Bryan Robinson walks you step-by-step through practical solutions to stress-proof your everyday life. Sprinkled throughout the book, you’ll find quizzes, action-oriented exercises, bite-sized tips, real-life stories, stress statistics, highlights from stress research, and the doctor’s prescriptions for stress reduction. This common-sense guide-based on the latest scientific findings-gives you simple stress-busting tools and shows you how to apply them.

With this comprehensive guide, you’ll discover how to:

• Identify the stressors that flip you out;
• Take and reduce your “stress temperature”;
• Break your stress cycle;
• Relieve work stress, job uncertainty, and unemployment woes;
• Power down and relax with deep breathing, mindfulness meditation, progressive muscle relaxation, and yoga;
• Tame your worries and fears;
• Handle unreasonable people who stress you out;
• Avoid falling into stressful mind traps

Other topics covered in this multi-faceted guide include:

• Mastering Negative Self-Talk and Standing up to Your “Inner Drill Sergeant” Beefing up Your Resistance to Stress
• Tracking your Progress as You Move from Being Uptight to Feeling Stress-Free Re-engineering your Brain to Stay Cool under Pressure
• Becoming Master instead of Slave to Your Electronic Devices
• Applying the Trifecta of Stress Reduction: Exercise, Sleep, and Good Nutrition
• Turning Positivity, Optimism, and Self-Compassion into Stress-Busting Tools
• Distinguishing between Circumstantial Stress Versus Self-Created Stress
• Saying “No Instead of Yo” to Unreasonable Job Demands

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Chained to the Desk

A Guidebook for Workaholics, Their Partners and Children, and the Clinicians Who Treat Them

Thousands have benefited from best-selling author and widely respected family therapist Bryan Robinson’s groundbreaking book. This innovative volume profiles the myths behind this greatly misunderstood disorder and the inner psychological battle that work addicts wage against themselves.

Intended for anyone touched by what Robinson calls “the best dressed problem of the twenty first century,” the author also provides an inside look into the impact on those who live and work with them—partners, spouses, children, and colleagues—as well as the appropriate techniques for clinicians who treat them.

In this new and updated edition, Robinson portrays the many different kinds of workaholism, drawing on hundreds of case reports from his own original research and years of clinical practice. He provides a step-by-step guide to help readers spot workaholism, understand it, and recover, and presents strategies for people in the workplace on how to distinguish between work efficiency and workaholism.

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The Art of Confident Living

Reclaim Your Life and Find Your Confident Self

Do you wake up feeling afraid of facing challenges, doubting yourself, going through the motions, and lacking a zest for life? The Art of Confident Living will help you break away from this painful lifestyle and understand why you feel this way, change your perspective, and find your Confident Self.

• A quiz to help determine your self-confidence level—and how it most affects you
• New techniques based on brain-chemistry research to help you achieve a higher level of confidence
• Updated examples, new exercises, and case studies that illustrate productive, non-addictive behaviors that can lead you to a more self-fulfilling life

The Art of Confident Living is your guide to becoming confident, at peace, and turned on and tuned in to life.

Praise for The Art of Confident Living

“This step-by-step guide to a better Self will change your life in ways that will surprise and delight you! This can easily be the most important book you read!”

Dr. Patricia Love,

                           author of Never Be Lonely Again

How Would You Rate Your Confidence?

Take the quiz to find out.

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611 Ways to Boost Your Self-Esteem

Accept your love handles and everything about yourself

Life is full of ups and downs and, at one time or another, all of us feel downtrodden or blue. Everyone wants to live a happy life. But why are so many of us miserable so much of the time, constantly searching for inner peace with little success? It’s because we’re looking for it in all the wrong places.

Some of us spend our lives looking in the wrong places for our self-esteem. Self-esteem is a state of mind. When we have negative attitudes toward ourselves, we limit our lives without even realizing it. But by changing our thinking we can boost our self-esteem.

These 611 self-esteem builders will give you new direction and guide you through each day with easy-to-apply reminders that show you how to empower yourself and restore the meaning and quality that bring balance to your life.

• Include yourself when you’re thinking of some of your favorite people.
• Surround yourself with people who affirm and respect you.
• Love yourself with no strings attached.
• Look for the upside of your life when all you can see is the downside.
• Throw a party instead of a fit!