Stress and the Flipside of the Coin

Are You a Rock or Bird?

A Match Made in Heaven? Seriously?

1. If you’re willing to see some value in your partner’s style–instead of thinking your way is right or better–you’ll notice a difference in the tension between you.

2. If you’re willing to look for the virtues contained in your partner’s vices–and to round out yourself by incorporating some of those virtues into yourself, you’ll make a big step to stress-proofing your relationship.

Think of Your Partner as Your “Tor-Mentor”

1. Identify who’s the rock and bird in your intimate relationship.

2. Make a list of your partner’s polar opposites (his or her “vices”) that “bug” you.

3. Extract the positive qualities or virtues contained in each vice on your list and write them beside each of the vices. For example, if he’s a perfectionist, he might be accomplished or people might look up to him. If she doesn’t plan ahead, perhaps she’s mindful of living in the moment.

4. Next, pinpoint the mirror message–the flipside of yourself that you disowned or never developed–that can complete you and make you well rounded. For example, if he’s a perfectionist and you’re more of a procrastinator, the mirror message might be that you need to up your game. If she doesn’t plan ahead and you’re on the fast track, the mirror message might be that you need to put on the brakes and live more in the present.

5. Then, put a check mark by each mirror message trait that you can start to develop within yourself.

6. Give this exercise to your partner and have him or her follow the same steps.

Throw Modesty Out the Window

For More on High-Fiving Your “Tallcomings”

Gary Chapman’s Five Languages of Love

1. Words of Affirmation. You communicate appreciation, encouragement, kindness, humility, and empathy–seeing the world from your partner’s point of view.
2.  Quality Time. You spend time together, giving your full attention to your spouse or partner, have meaningful conversations in which you share your deepest feelings and experiences, or enjoy activities in which you both share an interest.
3.  Receiving Gifts. You give and accept money or gifts that represent an expression of love, or you gift yourself to your mate by being emotionally present during a time of need.
4. Acts of Service. You perform an action that you know would please your partner such as cooking a favorite meal, washing the car, or grocery shopping.
5. Physical Touch. You are physically intimate in the form of giving hugs, kissing, holding hands, giving back rubs, or sexual intercourse.

What is Your Love Language?  Take the Quiz

• What does your intimate partner do or fail to do that frustrates you the most or hurts you deeply? (The opposite of what hurts you or frustrates you could indicate your love language).
• What do you need emotionally from your spouse or partner that you don’t get enough of? (Your unmet emotional needs are likely indicators of what would make you feel loved).
• How do you usually show love to your mate? (Because we tend to love our intimate partners in ways we would like to be loved, your way of expressing love is often a clue to what would also make you feel loved).
• What would your idea of an ideal spouse or partner be like?

New studies show that sitting more than 4 to 6 hours per day puts you at an 80 percent higher risk of dying. Sitting too long reduces blood flow, builds stress, causes weight gain and can lead to Type 2 diabetes and heart disease. Moving around or standing while working greatly reduces this risk. A second study on overtime shows that workers who toil more than 11 hours per day are 67 percent more likely to have a heart attack, metabolic disorders, headaches, and muscle pain.

In combination, workplace threats such as prolonged sitting, loud noises, overtime, unable to turn off your electronic devices at home, bad posture—all can lead to a compromised immune system, heart disease, and other disorders. You may not even realize your stress response is on high alert as you work. That means you are marinated in your own stress juices (cortisol and adrenaline).

The solution? Activate your “rest and digest response” which puts the brakes on your stress response, calms you down, and activates hormones that sustain positive health. How do you do that? Quick and simple stress cushions such as standing, stretching, moving around, walking up and down a flight of stairs (instead of taking the elevator) increases blood flow and oxygen throughout your body, lowering blood pressure and boosting overall mental alertness. Changing your surroundings for just 20 minutes gives your fatigued mind a break and boosts your mood. Getting out in nature (a walk around the block or in a park) or viewing nature from a window calms your fatigued brain. Meditating or contemplating at your desk for just 5 minutes is restorative and refreshes your mind and body.

What about you? Share some of your strategies for outsmarting stress and staying healthy at work.

Don’t let the commercialization of the holidays trump the true meaning and joy it brings you. Celebrate the season the way that’s meaningful by having the kind of holiday YOU want, not what merchandisers want you to have. Take the emphasis off grand gestures and indulge yourself in simple acts of pleasure. You don’t have to get caught up in the “There’s only X shopping days ‘til Christmas” syndrome. Retain the real meaning and celebrate the season YOUR way.

One of the biggest myths about the holidays is that we have to do things the way we’ve always done them—to excess. This requirement sometimes throws people into a frenzied whirlwind that includes shopping, planning parties and baking—all on top of an already hectic everyday schedule. Break or downsize old habits. Tradition is part of the holiday season. But just because you’ve always done things a certain way doesn’t mean you can’t power down the excess and still practice traditions.

If you’ve been shopping all day in the crush of crowds, the last thing you want at the end of the day is more noise and chaos. Be an angel to yourself. When loved ones have gone to bed, indulge in a moment alone in front of the holiday decorations. Reflect on what the season means to you, create a cozy, private spot where you can relax undisturbed and contemplate on the season. Meditate on soothing holiday music. Savor pleasant memories from holidays past with scented candles, a brewed pot of cinnamon-and-cloves potpourri, or the smell of fresh baked cookies. Or browse through greeting cards and photos of holidays past.

Know where to draw the line. If you’re rushing to buy more gifts, cook more food, get to yet another party, make a conscious effort to slow down your pace. Gift yourself with built-in “seasonal time cushions” to unwind and relax and give yourself extra time to get to your destination. You really can enjoy the holiday activities without “holidazing” yourself. When you’re already emotionally maxed out, don’t feel like you have to go to every party or buy every person a gift. Your mail carrier will forgive you.

Put yourself at the top of your holiday list and come up for air. Take time out from the festivities if you need to. Immerse yourself in a good book, hot bath, or craft. Keep your exercise regimen going throughout the season and get plenty of sleep. Short walks or meditating for a few minutes can help you unwind and clear your head. By gifting yourself a few extra moments to take care of yourself, you’ll have a lot more to give and you and your loved ones can enjoy the fun and avoid the holidaze.

What about you? Share some of your tips for enjoying the season without becoming “holidazed.”

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